DETAILED COMMENTS ON YOUR POETRY AT REASONABLE RATES If you write poetry, give it your best. |
I frequently receive e-mails from people who send me their poetry without reading enough of my home page to understand that I am
in the business of providing a service for a fee. I have responded to these messages with brief comments on the poems and several
recommendations for reading and study. I did not provide detailed analysis of the poems because I had not been paid. I referred the
poet to the submission requirements and fee calculation procedures that they had either overlooked or decided not to follow. And, as
you will see, I have often poured my heart out telling them the "facts of life" about how the world treats amateur poets and their poetry,
and I have advised them about what they need to do to protect their interests.
I have found myself repeating the same recommendations over and over, sometimes to the same correspondent. So I have decided to
post some of these responses on my Web page. I am not doing this to make fun of these correspondents or to show disrespect to anyone
who views my Web site. There is valuable information in these messages that many amateur poets do not know yet, but need to know.
If you are new to this Web site, please read everything I've posted on this page. You will learn some things about me, including the
tell-it-like-it-is, tough-love style of my poetry criticism. Then you can make an informed decision about whether to send any of your
poems for my comments. Even if you dislike my style, you should still follow my recommendations for reading and study. They will
benefit you more than any comments I might make on your poems.
Please understand, I do not want to discourage submissions from poets who seriously want to improve their poetry. When you submit
your work appropriately, it will receive, typically, three to six hours of my undivided attention. I will read your poems as many times as I
need to read them to understand and appreciate them as much as I can--and to identify their flaws. (I might devote more serious attention
to your poetry than your friends and relatives--or anyone else--ever will.) I will send you, typically, four to six pages of single-spaced
commentary and recommendations. If appropriate, I will scan your verse and make corrections on your pages.
After reading this page, read all of my home page and all of the recommended reading that I mention here. If you are then still confident
of the quality and originality of your poetry and want my advice about improving it, you will know how to request my assistance.
The first three responses that I'm posting were sent to the same person over a period of sixteen months.
October 3, 2006
Dear .......
First of all, forgive me for taking so long to get back to you. I've been very busy, mostly at my regular job, and we've had
a lot going on around the house lately, too. And I've had some difficulty deciding what to tell you, for a number of reasons.
Your poem is somewhat puzzling, but it's the least puzzling thing in your message.
The most puzzling thing is that you somehow got down to my email link without noticing eleven--I counted them, eleven--
references to the fact that I charge for my service. And I'm very specific about how much I charge, based on the length of
the poem: $1.50 per line, or twenty cents per word, whichever results in the better deal for you. Your poem has 21 lines,
but only 68 words, so the per word fee is better for you: $13.60. If you send me a check for $13.60, I'll send you about
half a page of detailed criticism plus about a page of general advice.
I'll be very surprised if you send me a check, so I won't start on the critique yet. If you are not willing to invest that much in
your future as a poet, then be sure to do the following, which won't cost you anything but time and effort. On my home page,
click on the link "The Poet and the Poem," and read the first chapter of Judson Jerome's book, preferably at one sitting.
Then, maybe another day, read the second chapter; and later go back and read the third. I hope you'll then look on Amazon
or Borders and find a copy of the book--preferably the third edition--so you can finish it. You might check your local library,
but I doubt that you'll find a copy there. It's really a book you should own, anyway.
I have read through your poem several times, and I have some ideas about what I want to tell you. I will share one thought
with you. After about the fourth reading, I thought: Who knows what ....... might be capable of writing if she really cared about
communicating with the reader? You seem to write without any concern about giving the reader enough information to go on.
You only give hints at a story without telling the story. And those hints are not well-organized.
Here's some more recommended reading. Click on the link "Judson Jerome's Poetry," then click on the title "Uncle Ed."
After that, try "Not Even a Bridge."
I noticed that you mentioned a book. I suppose it must be poetry. If the poems in it are of the same quality as the one you
sent me, then I suppose you paid to have it printed. No real publisher would invest in poetry that is so clearly the work of an
amateur. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you have to be realistic. I think you are several years away from deserving
publication, even on a web site of your own. Don't even think about paying for any more publication, at least until you have
something worth printing.
Forgive me if I seem to be too harsh, but I'm trying to be beneficial to you. If you really want to learn to write good poetry,
you have a long way to go. I do wish you the best.
Your friend,
Hayes Walker
This correspondent replied at length, letting me know that she had overlooked the fact that I charge for my service, and asking me to:
"Please include the following in your reply:
A link to your website
An address to send a check to"
I responded:
October 19, 2006
Dear …….
This is Hayes Walker getting back to you about your request for comments on your poetry.
My web site is www.poetrycritic.com. After you read my home page (which shows my mailing address for sending payment),
read all three chapters of Judson Jerome's book The Poet and the Poem that I've posted on my site. You'll see the link for it
while reading my home page. Reading those chapters with an open receptive mind might do you more good than a detailed
critique of your poetry.
After you read those chapters, read some of Judson Jerome's poetry, especially "Uncle Ed" and "Not Even a Bridge." Also read
"Its Own Reward," one of the poems Jud wrote in the persona of Myrtle Whimple. Of my own poems, I think you might like "For
Arran at Nineteen Months" best. If you have any opinions on the music of Philip Glass, one way or the other, I think you'll enjoy
my long poem "Seeing Through Glass," which is partly based on conversations I've overheard at a couple of his concerts in Dallas.
It also has some lines pertaining to creative writers and scam publishers.
I searched on Google for you and your book, and I found three glowing reviews. My experience with reviews of amateur poetry,
on and off the Web, tells me that such positive reviews are almost always written by three categories of people: friends of the poet,
employees of the publisher, and people who apparently love to read (and write) poetry but are utterly ignorant of what makes good
poetry or bad poetry.
I looked for a way to sample the contents of your book, but I found none. I checked another link and found your poem "………"
from the book. Although I found it slightly better than the piece you sent me, it is still an atrociously amateurish poem. And the
comment by ...... ....... saying that you "started a new generation of brilliance," is simply hogwash.
I looked up ...... ......., too, to see what sort of person was going into raptures of praise over your poetry. I read several of her
poems--which were hard to read among all the trashy glitter and background designs on her site. In one poem I found three typos
in the first two lines. From a formal standpoint her poems are a mess. Incomplete sentences abound. Just a few images showed
any originality. Praise from someone like that is meaningless.
The Internet and print-on-demand "publishers" like PublishAmerica have turned poetry from a respectable (if somewhat stuffy)
avocation into a hobby for semiliterate and delusional amateurs. In the mid-twentieth century the average American poet was
a fifty-year-old professor of English with a contract with a real publisher. Now, the average American poet seems to be a single
mother in her twenties with fourth-grade writing skills and delusions of literary greatness.
……., you might have the potential to become a fairly good poet in about twenty years, but you're going in the wrong direction
now, and I doubt that anyone can turn you around. Even if you can recognize my sincerity, you might not take me seriously, so
I suspect that a detailed critique from me would be a waste of my time and yours. By now you probably don't want any more
of my comments. If you do, then read everything I've recommended and let me know what you have learned, if anything, and
we'll see where we can go from there.
If I didn't care about getting you pointed in the right direction, I would not have spent several paragraphs on you. I don't do this
for the money, really.
Google "PublishAmerica" and click on the links "Condensed: Here are the reasons we don't recommend PublishAmerica" and
"Making Light: More on the Atlanta Nights story." On that second link, read the two paragraphs below the sentence starting:
"MacAllister Stone let me know about...." I'm sure you don't realize it yet, but you've got a publisher with a scandalously bad
reputation.
Your friend,
Hayes Walker
I was amazed to get another message from her on January 30, 2008. She had some good things to say about what I had told her before,
but once again she asked what my Web site address is and where she could mail a check. She had a new book of poems prepared, and
she wanted to send a copy of the manuscript for my comments. Here is my response.
February 2, 2008
Hi, .......
Thanks for getting back in touch with me. You say in your message that you "never heard anything back" from me. I didn't think
you expected me to follow up, and I did not expect you to follow up, considering what I had to say about the first poem you sent.
I hope your new manuscript has poems that are better than that one. You seem to have taken my criticism well, since I'm hearing
from you again.
I recall noting that your first book, the ".....,......" one, was published by PublishAmerica. I hope you realize by now that
PublishAmerica has a horrible reputation as a place where thousands of unskilled writers publish their work. I'm sure there are
some worthwhile things published there, too, but the general opinion of serious literary-quality writers is that P.A. is far beneath their
consideration. I hope you aspire to be published by more decent publishers. If you Google "Publish America," you will find many
links to very unfavorable comments, including some from writers who don't feel they are getting a fair deal from P.A. On my Web
site, the paragraph beginning ATTENTION, PROSE WRITERS tells about the type of "publisher" typified by P.A. What I say
there applies to poets, too, because P.A. publishes a lot of poetry as well as prose. I put that paragraph on my home page after
exchanging e-mails with a lady who had a novel published by one of those online/print-on-demand companies, 1stbooks.com.
She sent me a copy of the printed book. It had serious errors on nearly every page: misspellings, wrong punctuation, and many
instances where she used "its" for "it's" and "it's" for "its," proving that she did not know the difference between the two words.
When I pointed out the errors--thinking I was doing her a favor, which I was--she became angry and insisted that every word
and every bit of punctuation was exactly as she intended and exactly correct. She was simply oblivious to the fact that she needed
better skills in order to be published, and she would not or could not face reality when it was plainly shown to her. From what
I've seen on P.A.'s Web site, a lot of writers of her low caliber are published there.
I must tell you that I am somewhat bothered by what you do not say in your message. You don't say anything about having
followed any of my recommendations, such as reading the chapters of Judson Jerome's book The Poet and the Poem that I
have posted on my Web site, or reading the two poems that I suggested that you read. True, the way I phrased it was that if
you are not willing to pay for a critique, then you should at least do those things. But if you thought I meant that it would not
matter if you didn't follow my recommendations if you were willing to pay for a critique, then your mind works in ways that I
might decide I don't want to deal with. In other words, if you decided my recommendations were not worth following, then
we are simply "not on the same page," as the saying goes.
You say that I did not criticize you as a person, only your work. Of course, I'm a very kind-hearted person who likes to be
liked and has no interest in hurting anyone's feelings without a good reason. But I hope you realize that there are times when
someone really and truly needs to be "criticized as a person" to some extent, because sometimes one's problems are not just
in their "work" but in themselves. Some of your problems are in yourself--in the way you seem to not process information
effectively, for example. (See next paragraph.) Those problems could make it difficult for us to work together on a project.
It bothers me--and I guess this might qualify as criticizing you as a person--that in your first response to my comments, and in
your latest message, you think you have to ask what my Web site is and what my address is to send a check. That tells me that
you did not think to notice that your first message to me was sent to hwalker@poetrycritic.com, which tells you what my Web
site is: www.poetrycritic.com. And my address to send a check is on my home page, where anyone with enough sense to look
can find it. From your messages I'm getting a picture of someone who, to use an old phrase, "can't put two and two together."
(That's what I meant about how you seem to not process information effectively.) I have done critiques for such people before,
and their responses and subsequent poems indicated that my work was all in vain. They simply did not get it. They reminded
me of the joke about the high school football coach and the player who was failing his courses: The coach asks, "What is it
with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?" The player replies, "Gee, Coach--I don't know, and I don't care." The sort of clients
I'm referring to might not even get that joke. Well, maybe you will be the exception. Believe me, I hope there is hope for you.
I'd like to have a pleasant surprise.
Here's what I want you to do. If you follow my reading suggestions, let me know what you honestly think about those chapters
of Jud's book and about those two poems--whether you found them helpful, interesting, etc. (Your interest in abuse issues should
make "Uncle Ed" an interesting read for you.) And if you do not follow my reading suggestions, let me know that. Read my
entire home page, and then follow my instructions to the letter. I am sure you are not ready for the "Option #2" critique format,
so it will have to be #1, the Publishability Appraisal. So just follow the exact instructions under Option #1 about sending me an
e-mail with the information I ask for. When I get your information about your manuscript, I'll give you a price quote. If you agree
to the price, then you will mail the manuscript with your check to the address near the bottom of my home page. Send me a copy
that you will not mind me marking on, because part of my service with Option #1 is corrections of spelling, punctuation, etc.
Option #1 also includes a general critique of the poetry, not the very detailed comments that I do in Option #2. And I'll do exactly
what "publishability appraisal" implies--that is, I will give you my honest opinion of whether I consider any of the poetry to be
deserving of publication. You also need to understand that it might take two to four weeks for me to do a thorough job on the
manuscript. I still have a day job and plenty of other chores to handle, so about one day per weekend is all I can spend on critiques.
That covers everything I think you need to consider at this time. I'll await your e-mail with details about your manuscript.
Hayes
Her lengthy and revealing response to that latest message really blew me away. She has read the chapters of Judson Jerome's book and
can't wait to get a copy of it so she can finish it. She tells me "…from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your honesty.... Thank you
for creating a website that makes so much pertinent and valuable information available at my fingertips. I appreciate what you do and the
care you put into all of this." Regarding the book-length manuscript she was thinking of sending me, she says, "I'm not sure [the poems]
are ready for anyone to read yet. I have a lot of reading and studying to do, and then perhaps I’ll give it a 'go' again."
Now, that's a breakthrough. All amateur poets need to have a breakthrough like that. Everyone needs a breakthrough like that at some
point in their lives, the earlier the better. Congress should have some breakthroughs like that... but don't let me get started on Congress!
This message was sent November 4, 2007 to a poet with some real potential. Out of respect for her obvious talent, I offered some free
suggestions to improve her poem.
Dear ………,
Thank you very much for sharing this poem with me, and thanks for your honesty about not liking to follow formats. Most poets
of recent decades don't like "following formats," as you put it, which is one reason their poems tend to look so messy beside the
poems of those who follow formats. If you happened to look at some of my poems on my website, or the poems of my friend
Judson Jerome that I've posted on my site, you will see that he and I can be classified as the format-following type of poet. Even
my daughter's poem that I posted, "The Art of Angst," which she wrote about the "Goth" fad, has some sense of form, partly
because she intended it as a song lyric.
Why do I think form is important? Well, as I asked one of my clients who wrote formless "free verse," what would you rather
see, a well-built house or a pile of lumber and bricks? To me, a good poem is a well-built structure of words. Your poem
actually looks like a rather well-built structure of words, because each stanza has the same number of lines, and the lines look
approximately the length a reader of poetry would expect them to be. Many poems that get published in journals of professional
poetry don't look as well-made at first glance. And I have to tell you, many "professional" poems don't entertain me or impress
me as much as this poem of yours. But that does not mean that your poem would be accepted for publication by any of those
professional poetry journals. There are too many things about your poem that reveal that it is the work of an amateur, not a
professional.
At this point I need to mention that my website is intended to attract paying customers who want detailed critiques of their poetry.
I guess you didn't notice that, though I've tried to make it obvious. The type of poet who would pay me for my comments is the
type that has dedicated herself to learning how to write the best poetry she can learn to write. Usually that means learning "all the
technical stuff," as you call it. But don't worry; I don't expect you to pay me because I don't think you are that type of poet. You
are the type of poet who just writes what you feel, and if it makes you happy that's all you really care about. I am basically that
same type of poet, except that I also care about making my poetry as well-crafted as I can possibly make it. I would advise you
to do the same, because I truly think you have as much potential as I ever had.
If I had to judge your poem by professional standards, and if I only had two choices, to call it a good poem or a bad poem, I'd
have to call it a bad poem. But I mean it sincerely when I say that it's one of the best bad poems I've ever read. The subject
matter is worth dealing with, the informal style of speech is suitable for the subject, and the dramatic strategy works well. That is,
you present your case very effectively, showing how the people act, then presenting evidence that all is not as it should be, then
putting a neat summary at the end. The main thing I would criticize is that you state too flatly, and too early, that "it's all so fake."
The word "fake," if you are going to use such a blunt word at all, should come in the punch line, at the end. Try this: Change line
12 to "But the surface tension seems ready to break." Then, in line 16, change the verb "fake" to "force" or maybe just "show."
The poem needs more help than that, but you'll have to do without further comment from me at this time. After all, I'm not sure
how serious you are about wanting to improve. If you really are serious about improving your poetry, the best thing you can do
is to read a great deal of great poetry. You will absorb a lot of technique by seeing how skilled poets wrote their poems.
My own poetry is far from "great," but I think there's some good stuff there. Judson Jerome was a far better poet, and I think
you will enjoy his work better than mine.
Please read all of my poems and all of Jud's, then read the chapters of Jud's book The Poet and the Poem that are on my site.
After all that reading, you might know how serious you are about poetry. Let me know. And if all that reading seems too much,
and you don't want to do it, then at the very least read "Its Own Reward," by Jud (writing as Myrtle Whimple).
I wish you all the best.
Hayes Walker
I was as disappointed in this poet's response as I had been impressed by her truly remarkable poem. It amazes me that the same person
who wrote that poem could have written the reply I received. Here is my reply to her reply.
Dear .........,
Your response to my comments makes me wonder whether or not I should continue working with you at this time, or whether I
should require you to do more on your own for a while.
What really bothers me is that your comments and questions make it seem likely that you have not even read all of my home page.
If you had, you would not need to ask how much I charge, because my rates and the ways to calculate the fee are clearly stated there.
You would also not need to ask if I'm honest and sincere, because I make it clear that my critiques focus on the problems I find, and
that I'm not in the business of praising anyone's poetry for money.
Having read the comments I have already given you about your poem, you should not need to ask if I "just tell them what to fix... or...
why it would be better as you suggested and help them learn." Didn't I already do both? I told you what I would change, and I told
you why it would be better. And I helped you learn, since you say "I see how what you said would make it better."
Another comment that bothers me is, "If you truly love poetry and helping others would you really want money?" What you seem
to be telling me is that what I do is not really important, and that I should be happy spending hours on a critique for you just for the
satisfaction of benefiting you. Would you ask your doctor, "If you truly love medicine and helping people get well, why would you
want money for it?" Would you tell your auto mechanic, "You must enjoy tinkering with cars, so how about not charging me for your
labor?" How would you feel if your boss told you, "........, you enjoy your work so much, the company has decided you should be
willing to do it free"? Maybe poetry criticism is not as crucial as anyone else's work. And I don't make a living at it; I have a day job.
But I have a wife who wants me to spend my spare time with her, and I have a yard that needs attention, and I have hobbies I'd like
to find time for, and stacks of books I'd like to find time to read. Just about the last thing I want to do, even for pay, is to analyze a
poem for someone who is asking me questions because she has not bothered to read my home page. So why would I want to do it
without pay?
Your comments also do not mention whether or not you have done the reading that I recommended, or any of it at all. If you had, I
would expect you to at least mention it. Reading my poems and Jud's won't teach you all you need to know, but it's a start. To close
this letter, I'll copy and paste what I said before, since I'm not sure if you saved that e-mail or would read it again. And after you do
the recommended reading, I'd advise you to see if you can find Jud's book The Poet and the Poem and read the whole book.
From my previous message:
I’m not sure how serious you are about wanting to improve. If you really are serious about improving your poetry, the best thing
you can do is to read a great deal of great poetry. You will absorb a lot of technique by seeing how skilled poets wrote their poems.
My own poetry is far from “great,” but I think there’s some good stuff there. Judson Jerome was a far better poet, and I think you
will enjoy his work better than mine.
Please read all of my poems and all of Jud’s, then read the chapters of Jud’s book The Poet and the Poem that are on my site.
After all that reading, you might know how serious you are about poetry. Let me know. And if all that reading seems too much,
and you don’t want to do it, then at the very least read “Its Own Reward,” by Jud (writing as Myrtle Whimple).
I wish you all the best.
Hayes Walker